I'm growing really tired of all these accusations of making stuff up; of lying. And as the old saying goes, if you've not got something nice to say, don't say it. All the negativity I'm getting is not conducive to the recovery I'm trying to attempt.
All that I post on this blog is the truth as far as I know. Yes, some days have been blank (blackouts: happens when you're alcoholic) but the truth as far as I recall what I can.
If you don't like it, stop reading; de-friend me on Facebook; whatever. Ignore me, disown me, leave me alone: the negative (some constructive, I submit) comments don't help. It doesn't do me any favours, although I appreciate the intent otherwise. I have enough to deal with besides.
Most won't understand but in much the same way as many have disowned me, I would politely request that I be left alone as far as doubting, questioning and negative comments are concerned. I'm ill but trying to get better: your help is appreciated, especially those who understand (or try to).
All that I post in public fora is the truth. Believe it or not: it's up to you. Those who do will stick around I guess.
I'm in Tonbridge Library again, typing up my journal for this blog for all who continue to read: thank you. Hereafter, when this place closes at 8PM, I'll grab some dinner then sit in the waiting room of the station, where I'm tolerated (welcome even) and write some more.
Having lost my most recent girlfriend and alienated more friends I'm sure, tomorrow I shall pick things up myself: visit CRI (rehab) and my key-worker; get onto the next detox programme (I missed out on this month's as I missed the pre-detox appointments they didn't tell me I was supposed to attend) then sort out housing and benefits at The Job Centre. I'll get there. Many will become newly estranged from me because of what I've said candidly above but I gain new followers daily. I value those who continue to follow me.
After this, I shall remain in the library and read the free newspapers. They also have books here (really!). I have two on the go but I've been surveying the shelves and have at least the next half dozen reads lined up.
I normally sit in the reference section of the library - where I am now - and they have all the genealogy stuff here. That's a project I started a while back and now I have access to this archive, one which I continue to pursue: to be continued.
As is this: to be continued...
Seeing as though you're supposedly getting your life sorted, for a father the lack of mention of your children is quite telling. This shows a distinct lack of willingness to actually get to the nub of your problems. All the pseudo psychoanalytic tosh on here is to me just that, tosh. I've followed your blog with great interest and you have fallen over your own arguments quite a few times. A phone that was lifted to send messages to ICE contacts yet placed back once done? Give me a break? Why would anyone put it back? I very much doubt that you're bi-polar either as without drugs, as an alcoholic, you would be self-medicating and even just a slight variation on the self-medication would send you into a manic state or a depressive state. If you were bi-polar. I presume you're self-diagnosed rather than self-medicating.
ReplyDeleteEvery woman you have an intimate interaction with seems also to be the love of your life. Classic alcoholism again; the crutch. This doesn't work. You can only cure yourself. Nobody else can do it for you.
You continually mention being a victim of circumstance. Well, guess what, hotshot? We're all victims of circumstance. The circumstance that you've found yourself in is due to the alcoholism which is no one else's fault but yours. Once you realise that the circumstance you find yourself in is your doing, then you can sort yourself out. Stop blaming others. And none of this higher power bollocks of the 12 step programme. You're responsible. You're responsible for the mess you're in, and you're responsible for getting out of it.
I hope you find some kind of way out, I really do, but I'll be one if those leaving as reading someone destroy themselves is not my idea of a good time. Godspeed.
Nothing hidden.
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